2020-03-08
Why Do I Want To Spray Love Words
On her?
Labels: Failure
2020-03-02
Collision
In a way, I would love to experience the state one gets into when one is under the influence of either hallucination drugs, narcotics, psychiatric drugs and any other substance that can cause a relatively significant mental diversion from the ordinary of one, from the "real you" or "base you" into a, possible, "better you", or "happier you", either on a constant basis, or on an occasional basis. Though this is mostly about the constant basis.
I did not think about it much until a moment ago. It was simply taboo. But I suddenly thought about the naïve aspect of it - if someone feels bad most of the time, or they are full of fears, or putting obstacles in they own way to self-accomplishment, using something, external, that relieves those fears, that eliminate those obstacles, that makes you feel either better or great, sounds like a "good thing". I am less sold on the latter two, but feeling good or great for no material reason, other than that external thing, does not sound like a bad thing.
Why should feeling bad be the default? Feeling good, besides the good mental effect that it can have on the entire system, even physically, releases good internal substances (endorphins and stuff) that in turn make you feel even better, naturally, even though the original basis was unnatural. Feeling good can trigger courage. Well, feeling bad could also trigger courage. Many people who hit rock bottom feel like they have nothing to lose anymore and so they do whatever they want, sometimes resulting courageous acts that actually save them or make them feel better. But feeling good can induce the feeling of having no obstacles, which can also lead to courage. That is not the point.
The point is that feeling good, or at least better, is usually construed as a good thing. Of course, those substances can have other effects on the body and mind, sometimes devastating and sometimes mild inconveniences. Indifference is one, which is linked mostly to the "feeling better" result rather than the "feeling good" result, because feeling good is inherently not feeling indifferent, I suppose. Addiction, cancer, brain damage and the rest of those are more examples of bad effects that can be deadly or lower the quality of life, or even counter the good effects completely, resulting in a negative net.
But beside those. The taboo comes from the constant fact that changing yourself using substances is, still, changing yourself in a non-organic way. Being authentic, being organic, being you is one of the pillars, if not the most elementary one, of my existence.
That basically eliminates any external involvement from being materialized.
I was surprised, because I was suddenly imagining the state of feeling good - not better, good - and how that would feel, even synthetically as mentioned. It felt nice, it felt different - different in a positive way. It felt like I had no real wars to fight anymore. Like things are just... Easy. Good. I was going to write "relatively", but it was not. "Relatively" came later, after a bit of thinking of it realistically and considering more of the facts, circumstances and implications. But realism has no place in a purely imaginative future.
I wish I felt good most of the time.
And I believe this is not a totally unrealistic or hypothetic state. I think it can be achieved organically, but I think it requires a vast amount of luck.
I want to move to England with a cute girl.
I did not think about it much until a moment ago. It was simply taboo. But I suddenly thought about the naïve aspect of it - if someone feels bad most of the time, or they are full of fears, or putting obstacles in they own way to self-accomplishment, using something, external, that relieves those fears, that eliminate those obstacles, that makes you feel either better or great, sounds like a "good thing". I am less sold on the latter two, but feeling good or great for no material reason, other than that external thing, does not sound like a bad thing.
Why should feeling bad be the default? Feeling good, besides the good mental effect that it can have on the entire system, even physically, releases good internal substances (endorphins and stuff) that in turn make you feel even better, naturally, even though the original basis was unnatural. Feeling good can trigger courage. Well, feeling bad could also trigger courage. Many people who hit rock bottom feel like they have nothing to lose anymore and so they do whatever they want, sometimes resulting courageous acts that actually save them or make them feel better. But feeling good can induce the feeling of having no obstacles, which can also lead to courage. That is not the point.
The point is that feeling good, or at least better, is usually construed as a good thing. Of course, those substances can have other effects on the body and mind, sometimes devastating and sometimes mild inconveniences. Indifference is one, which is linked mostly to the "feeling better" result rather than the "feeling good" result, because feeling good is inherently not feeling indifferent, I suppose. Addiction, cancer, brain damage and the rest of those are more examples of bad effects that can be deadly or lower the quality of life, or even counter the good effects completely, resulting in a negative net.
But beside those. The taboo comes from the constant fact that changing yourself using substances is, still, changing yourself in a non-organic way. Being authentic, being organic, being you is one of the pillars, if not the most elementary one, of my existence.
That basically eliminates any external involvement from being materialized.
I was surprised, because I was suddenly imagining the state of feeling good - not better, good - and how that would feel, even synthetically as mentioned. It felt nice, it felt different - different in a positive way. It felt like I had no real wars to fight anymore. Like things are just... Easy. Good. I was going to write "relatively", but it was not. "Relatively" came later, after a bit of thinking of it realistically and considering more of the facts, circumstances and implications. But realism has no place in a purely imaginative future.
I wish I felt good most of the time.
And I believe this is not a totally unrealistic or hypothetic state. I think it can be achieved organically, but I think it requires a vast amount of luck.
I want to move to England with a cute girl.
Labels: Failure